A squirrel tried to kill me

As I left to run some errands this afternoon, I saw a squirrel. It chittered at me and ran up a tree. I moved on with my thoughts, but a few seconds later I heard a branch snap. Looking up I saw a branch – about ten feet long – that had probably broken off in the storm the other day. It had been caught in the other branches and hung ten to fifteen feet from the ground. But the squirrel’s weight must have shifted it enough to knock it loose. It hit the ground about ten feet from me and tipped away, just missing someone’s car. The first thing I thought was, Since I’m not married, would you still call that a widowmaker?

The second thing I thought was that the squirrels are trying to kill me.

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One Response to “A squirrel tried to kill me”

  1. Actually, no. I can say with some authority that the squirrel wasn’t trying to kill you. Squirrels, you see, are not evil.

    Salamanders are. Salamanders, as it happens, the source of all Evil in the Universe. They are vicious, cunning, and cruel. They are also extremely hard to see. Very often, when you have a particular run of bad fortune, it’s because one or more salamanders are actually clinging to you.

    Squirrels, on the other hand, are the sworn enemies of the salamanders. They may or may not care for goodness, nobility, and humanity, but they definitely oppose the salamanders and all their works.

    So when you’re walking under a tree and a squirrel throws a nut at you, he isn’t trying to hurt you. He’s trying to knock the salamanders off.

    In your case, you must have been particularly afflicted. There must have been a lot of salamanders on you, if he needed to use a whole branch.

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